GravityandSmores

Here’s some background: Last year, there was this guy i liked way too much and decided i had to get over. Recently, I was looking through some of my old stuff–journals and things–, and I found this gem, from a bit less than year ago or something. I figure sense i dont feel i can relate to it anymore, i may as well post it. so here it is:

For some reason nobody can believe that I can get over him by sheer force of will. Nobody seems capable of wrapping their head around the fact that I simply can stop having a crush on him. That I no longer like constantly thinking about him, wondering if he’s thinking about me, worrying that he isn’t, worrying if all this is too pathetic to be constantly thinking about. But I think I can stop. Cold turkey, finished. I’ve spent a year on this crush, and it’s been fun and infuriating. But, as has become evident, I’m just not the girl for him.

So why can’t I just will myself into stopping? I don’t see why that can’t happen. It’s been done before, has it not? And maybe it has never worked.

But…I don’t know. What’s stopping me from trying? And what’s stopping everyone else from thinking it can happen?

Rye says that I should just talk to him more, then he’ll start liking me. That I act like a spaz in front of him. That I lose my ‘cool’. That if I didn’t, he’d be into me.

Which makes exactly no sense. What is this ‘cool’ that riley so quickly speaks of? When has this ever come into play? Have I truly ever demonstrated such an act? I don’t remember any such times. And she says I act like a spaz in front of him. That I need to talk to him. 

What does she think? That I don’t? How pathetic do people envision me to be?

Good times, huh? my friends. they really knew how to put things.  here’s another:

Stunned by my failure of thought on the spot

Lost in this, mind shot

I can not

Remember words around him.

Is it the most pathetic vision

Of what’s to come in my life?

Or a small cut

Of the truth in some narration, some lie

Locked and forgotten

Until it is ascends, provoked.

I see him smile but I can’t see his meaning

I can’t but I try and I try and I’m fleeing

From anything, anything, all these things

Because

I can’t let them seem real

They are not real

…Call it your own word, it’s not a shield

What, now what? Why

Why are the simplest things so complex?

Say something right, say something right.

Then I say something wrong

Stuck in some song

Some love song

Miles away from my spirit

Just stop

I don’t want to hear it

I know I’ve taken this too far.

oh my goshhh, its like, Sierra–i DARE you to be more emo than that.

oh, but i was. but. i. wassssssss. i feel so lame when i read my old stuff.

those were some confusing days. but i’ve actually really gotten over him. i know it doesn’t seem like it with this stuff. i only put if up here for laughs and to see if anyone liked them or could potentially relate. haha. well have a good day world.